What’s In A Name?

I’ve had a few people ask me why I use the name Leastbest. As always there is a story.

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When I was a young driver for UPS I was told my boss wanted to see me in the office. I walked in and two supervisors were there. I was told to sit down and they closed the door. Whenever a door is closed it is a bad thing.

Supervisor #1: Are you aware that we only hire the best people?

Me: No I didn’t.

Supervisor #1: Well we do. You’re in here because we only hire the best people but you are least best.

Me: You mean I’m the worst?

Supervisor #1: No, we don’t have any worst drivers, we only have the best drivers and you are least best.

At this time I felt as though I had fallen through a rabbit hole and into some Orwellian world.

Me: But I’m still one of the best, right?

Supervisor #2: What are you stupid?

Me: How could I be, I’m one of the best!

Supervisor #2: You are being told this so you can improve.

Me: How can I improve? I’m already one of the best.

Supervisor #1: I’m not wasting any more time with you. You are put on notice. You are least best.

Me: As long as I’m one of the best.

This was only the beginning of my problems with the convoluted language of the workplace.  One time a supervisor and I had this sparkling conversation.

Supervisor: Do you know what your problem is?

Me: No I don’t. Perhaps you could enlighten me.

Supervisor: Your problem is you react to problems. You should pre-act!

Me: What does that mean?

Supervisor: You should expect the unexpected. Act upon things before they happen.

Me: I wish I had acted upon this conversation before it happened and walked away.

Supervisor: There is no point in talking to you, you never listen.

Since then I’ve had hundreds of these conversations, each one a little more mind-numbing than the one before. Anyone who thinks the Dilbert cartoons are fantasy have never worked for a corporation.

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